WAKE UP

WAKE UP!

I'm not sure if you have heard about the term "Spiritual Awakening", but those of you who have experienced this massive shift in consciousness will probably have some very interesting stories to share.  I've been there, bought the t-shirt, still buying the pants and accessories to go with it too. You see this change in "self" is not a one time thing.  It's never ending, an ongoing film of series that can either be classified as a drama, comedy, sci-fi or as it is with me, all 3. With a huge emphasis on the dramatics.

You might have heard this term from celebrities like Jim Carrey or Russel Brand, giving speeches and inspirational talks on their experiences and how on an
unsuspecting day, things were just different. Now this can happen over a long period of time or it can hit you like a bus going to "Who-knows-what-will-happen-next-ville".  It was this sudden realization, an epiphany that had me researching whether or not I was crazy or had I finally gotten off the bus, with no extra ticket to get out of "Who-knows-what-will-happen-next-ville".  One thing was for sure, I was going to be stuck in this town for a very long time, well, at least until I figured out some stuff.

I hit Google, oh I hit Google hard, reading, researching, learning, gaining more knowledge, reading of other's experiences.  I'm not talking about this fad of youngsters claiming to be part of this "new age" trend because they want to be totally rad and "with it", fit in with the crowd, because if this has actually happened to you, for real, you'd know that a spiritual awakening can be and probably is the toughest experience to deal with.  Hands down, you'd have to have a pretty impressive pair of balls to tackle this bull by the horns.  I'm proud to say, I have a pretty impressive pair myself.

My spiritual awakening happened what I might imagine, tiny bits at a time, so small that I wasn't aware of the mountains I had been manifesting with my constant questioning about life, purpose, destiny and mostly "why".  I wanted answers, I needed to know.
And then it hit me.  That bloody bus hit me right in the middle of my forehead. 
I was dabbling in a bit of astro-photography for a while and I'd sit outside while figuring out the perfect settings for star trails and moon shots and most of all my favourite past time, capturing meteors. 

Name: Southern Delta Aquariid...or what some of us will call a "shooting star"
(The Southern Delta Aquariids is a meteor shower visible from mid July to mid August each year with peak activity on July 28 or 29 July. The Delta Aquariids get their name because their radiant appears to lie in the constellation Aquarius, near one of the constellation's brightest stars, Delta Aquarii.)
Taken: 26 July 3:53am 2014, Pretoria, South Africa
Subject distance: 4294967295 m
M, f/3.5, 30", ISO-360

Name: Star Trail (The line of light recorded on a photographic medium when a time exposure is made of a star in the night-time sky using a camera on a fixed mount, caused by the rotation of the earth during the period of time when the camera's shutter is held open.)
Taken: 25 July 8:50pm - 11:16pm, Pretoria, South Africa
M, f/3.5, 10", ISO-1400
319 images stacked

100% Illuminated, Super Full Moon, 08 September 2014

If anyone can tell me what this is, I would really like to know, what I do make of this and can clearly see, is a body/thing of some sort entering/exiting some form of black hole. 

(Photo creds:  Yours truly aka Tracy Trace)

I had no idea that this solitude and doing what I love out in the dark moonlit skies was a form of meditation.  It was always so peaceful and beautiful, so beautiful.  I'd literally spend the whole night admiring the Universe up above me.  It was as if the sky had a story to tell me, and I'd listen so intently. 

The skies stories became so interesting that I could not put that book down and before soon, I'd discovered pages that were at first hidden.  Like Alice in Wonderland, I too had found the rabbit hole that unlocked things other people couldn't see.  It's really hard to explain to people that you can see what's happening "beyond" the stars.  I can see movements and other galaxies behind the sky you gaze to at night.  I can see meteors and particles in the night sky that shouldn't even be visible and the swafts of lights that swoosh past me have become part of my normal vision.
This my friends is what we call a lifting of the "veil".  When this veil is lifted, and you can see, feel and sense things in the magnificent intense way that they are, how they REALLY are.

Which brings me to a really serious problem.  Knowing all of this, experiencing this new found magical place within you, it sometimes gets hard to deal with reality.  Material things become material.  Time becomes just a number.  You no longer care to do things that don't serve you, you cannot handle negativity or gossip or people who have energy about them that clash with yours.  The struggle is real, and you will without a doubt, lose people along this journey. 
I can only describe this as (for now) a bittersweet taste that only I have the ability to change.  It's a massive learning curve and a lot of the time this awakening forces you to face the shadows of yourself to heal and move on.  I struggle tremendously with these shadows and if I can't  face them at that moment, trust me, the Universe will bring up that nasty head of fear until those shadows have grown a pair too.

For more info on "Spiritual Awakening" go to:  http://www.alchemyrealm.com/spiritualawakening.htm

INSANE MOMMY

I have three insanely beautiful children, each with their very own quirky personalities, and by "quirky" I mean, difficult, odd, full of crap-a-doodles, I'd like to murder...(that's just a figure of speech though, don't read too much into that, please!)  I have absolutely NO inclination of spending my days behind bars, although the thought of that solitude is somewhat appealing, I mean with all the fights, constant mess and the chaos surrounding me almost 24/7 at home, one can easily envision such ridiculousness.
Jail time is ruled out!
For now.....

My son Liam is 13, an opinionated, know it all, moody typical teenager. He has a very unhealthy obsession with his hair which slowly but surely is making my grave look like a well nurtured pasture to rest in. Please tell me why today's teens have so much say in just about anything and  everything.
I know this is just a phase, he's a good kid, and his heart is in the right place but that head right now....I can't deal.
When I was  his age, if I glanced at my parents a mere 33º angel out of place, I knew I was in for a World War of hidings. My parents never reminded me to study, do sports, watch my language or mind my manners in adult conversation. It was simple, around adult conversation, I made like a banana and split.
I get the feeling way too often that trying to raise a teenager is not one of my strong points.
Although I have realised that a few of my VERY strong points include, aggravation, impatience, irritability, a very low level for tolerance and a total lack of time management. I tend to find myself yelling (a lot) like a demon exiting an exorcism.

The middle little "Madame" is Mila, she's 6, she is as independent as all of the America's Independence Days'...combined, since the beginning of forever. I have yet to meet someone as confident, loud and proud like her.  She's mastered a skill we like to call "herding". You see, although we don't live in the rural farm areas, Mila has found comfort in herding as many little friends towards our apartment in the complex block. It's like strings of sheep following her wherever and just going with the motion of the "master".  My value on privacy is unobtainable , and I thrive in peace and quiet around me at all times possible.
But the herd...

Peace and quiet......

Yes, that is karma snickering those 3 golden words into my ear ever so often because last but certainly not the least (in volume), we have the baby, well almost a toddler, Keller. Keller is 2, survived a traumatic and turmoil like pregnancy and born 5 weeks premature.  Keller has the voice of a foghorn on roids. I cannot remember a time before my ear drums weren't ringing. And full of little funny ways, she has an entourage of items she cannot go anywhere without. It's:  the bottle, the blanket, the bunny, and the most important item, her fluff. She has this thing where she'll pluck out the fluff of her plush toys and she uses this soft fluff to rub on her cheeks, her neck or just simply to "roll" in-between her fingers.  She's obsessed with soft stuff and I'm quite sure it's because when she was born, the first words I said when I saw her was "She's so soft". I think that stuck with her, that's my theory anyway.

3 Kids, 3 unique little souls in human bodies and it's quite interesting and somewhat amazing how their ways and irks differ so greatly. They are all very strong individuals and I made them!! Okay, I had help but it's so unbelievable that in a few years, I'm going to hope they were all small again and I will probably wish for that chaos and clutter again.
So for now, I will enjoy the insanity, unruly attitudes, tears, laughter and mess because....this too shall pass.

BELIEVE IN BELIEVING (Poem)

By Tracy Trace

(What I've learnt from life so far...)

I believe in limitless beliefs that broaden our awareness
I believe a wide open mind can fill that sense of bareness
I believe the Universe holds the answers sought by man
I believe in gazing at the stars, talking to them as often as I can
I believe in sunrises and sunsets and their beams of golden display
I believe in the Moon in all her beauty whichever way she lay
I believe in storms, cheerful rainbows and clouds in all their forms
I believe in trees and the flowers' perfection beyond the norms
I believe in animals' wellbeing and their freedom too
I believe in peace and understanding, surely something to pursue
I believe in consciousness, evolution and awakening of the soul
I believe in walking your path, the predestined journey to your goal
I believe in soul searching, questioning and times of solitude
I believe in change, detours and from society to be unglued
I believe in karma, fate and destiny as rules
I believe in choices and decisions that are vital life tools
I believe that pain and suffering and "rock bottom" should be felt
I believe in tears and their healing for the heart that life has dealt
I believe in big life lessons in order for us to grow
I believe in new beginnings and to rise with wings from down below
I believe in a life that's for living and to push it to the limit
I believe in good company, soul connections and living in the minute
I believe in family and friends and the special bonds we share
I believe in happiness and humour and people who care
I believe in soulmates, the chosen one, created just for you
I believe in following your heart for it knows which path is true.

ENOUGH

I've always like writing poetry, it mostly comes out when I'm going through seriously bad times, it's an outlet for my mind, the constant swirling words I have in a constant tornado in my brain.  I often suffer from massive bouts of depression (we'll discuss depression in more detail later).

I started writing poems early on in high school and it's not a major passion of mine, although I enjoy it, it gives me freedom of speech and to verbalise my feelings on paper somehow puts the lows into a new perspective for me.  It takes those words (some of them really need to get out) and "removes" them from my head...making space for (hopefully) more positivity.

This specific poem for a song I wrote sometime in 2014, I actually wrote it for an old school friend of mine who had his own freelance band, he assured me it would be a good song and his words that I recall were: "I love it!" 

I've never heard from him since (after giving him a few poems/songs of mine) so JP, I hope you have made a huge success with your endeavours.  And just for the record, it's common decency to let the writer know if you've actually sung and/or published their work.  #justsaying

Enough

by Tracy Trace

The repetition in these waves

Have driven me to

The water's edge

One step closer and

I'll fall into freedom

Tired of this

I've had enough

To taste sweet freedom

Because I've had enough

Freedom, sweet freedom

What is real anymore?

I can't tell the difference

I've lost my mind, I've heard

Or I've grown indifferent to you

I like the sound of freedom

Because I've had enough

Freedom....sweet freedom

Tired of this

I've had enough

To taste sweet freedom

Because I've had enough

Freedom, sweet freedom

The waters edge, it's cold

As I've heard my heart is

I can smell the freshness

The freedom of flying

Because I've had enough

Freedom....sweet freedom

Assholes, Assholes everywhere!

ASSHOLES, ASSHOLES EVERYWHERE!

I’m quite appalled at the general level of asshole percentage we have right now at our disposal in the world.  A lot of that percentage however does not seem to get disposed of fast enough to keep up with the pace of more assholes being generated.  Why is this I wonder?

Trust me on this one:  NEVER underestimate the ability for someone you’ve known for decades to become a statistic in this worldwide phenomena.  It happens too often, I’ve seen it happen right in front of my own eyes, I’ve experienced this first hand, second hand, third hand, 10 fingers and 10 toes.  More assholes grown every day than money bills being printed.

I’ve narrowed this asshole epidemic down using an asshole-pedometer, this mental device suggests the level of asshole I find most annoying.  I’ve put them into my highest-to-lowest percentages but as we all differ in opinion, yours might need some juggling around.

Number one:  Religion

Oh my God!  And please do not summons me to the bottom pits of hell for using God’s name “in vain”.  That term “in vain” has never really made sense to me anyway, I’m not using God’s name in vain at all, it is used as a verbal expression, one of concern, happiness, sadness depending on the topic at hand.  This specific “Oh my God” is definitely one of concern just to make it very clear how anal I am about religion.

Everyone has a religion, even if you don’t, it’s still your religion to not have one.  I get it.  I understand it.  I am not either yay or nay about it.  I respect your decision and so should you mine.  DO NOT and I repeat…DO ABSOLUTELY MOST DEFINITELY NOT EVER try to shove your beliefs down my throat.  I am not a duck, I do not need any more fattening up and my liver is tainted enough as it is.  Making Foie Gras is a disgusting act and man should be hung by his testicals for the horrendousness of this delicacy.

I am Pagan, a bit Wiccan and damn proud of it!  No, I do not use black magic to cast evil spells onto others, nor do I summon demons and just because I accessorise with a pentagram does not make me a devil worshiper.  This type of ignorance is unacceptable!  Also, this level of ignorance just plainly suggests that that there might be a lack of grey matter, internet or the misspelling of the word “Google”.

What I can tell you is that “nature is my church”.  A short quote and a bit clichéd, but as I like to see clichés as short sweet and it speaks to many who don’t have the time and effort to use the worldwide web to do some research before slandering one’s religion. 

Don’t be an asshole!

Number two:  Judgmental People

You’d think (logically) that in today’s day and age, us humans being way more evolved than way back when in the stone ages that people would be more accepting of others.  Not the case.  In fact, I think back in the stone age, is where most of the accepting was done.  Saying this, I do not wish to be back in the stone ages at all, I quite like the convenience of not hunting for food, nor do I wish to make sharp metal objects to kill things – when they are already readily available for purchase nowadays.

My fiancé, Darren, is a tattoo artist and being a tattoo artist, he is relevantly covered in tattoos and over the years I have quite a collection myself too as goes for piercings.  Now I have seen too many, too many, raised eyebrows and heard more than my fair share of negative comments due to the way he looks.  I’m quite befuddled by the audacity of these types of people.  A lot of negative commentary and judgement comes from a passage in the Bible (old testament), and I quote:

Leviticus 19:28 which says, “Ye shall not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead, nor print or tattoo any marks upon you: I am the Lord.”

Yet there are Christians coming into the tattoo shop by the hundreds, having a cross tattooed or having a bible verse tattooed.  Please explain this level of logic to me.  The Lord said….(read above).  

Okay, I know that verse is like super majorly old, yet you STILL get people living this way and they remain so, so closed-mined, I can't deal!  

Meanwhile behind the scene, here we have this amazing human being, kind, caring, supportive, super saxy, beautiful inside & out, making a living and supporting his family with the talents he was born with, that's more than I can say for quite a few of us!

Let’s hear that comment again?

  

These judgmental views are not only tattoo or looks related, they are everywhere you go in every walk of life, I only used this as an example.  Whether you have a bashed up car or a status symbol car, whether you parent in a lenient way or a disciplined way, whether you follow the law or like to bend the rules a bit.  Like I said in my introduction, we are all given a unique mind as individuals, let’s do the logical evolved thing and let people be.  Let’s leave the judging to the Universe when we all dispel into the vastness of whatever our souls choose to become or go to.  No judging. 

Don’t be an asshole!

Number three:  Rudeness

It takes absolutely nothing to be kind, decent, mannered and accepting.  Zilch.

Why on this blue planet of ours would you want to unrest your calm auric bubble that is encasing your every being by being a total dick?

I don’t want to point out the obvious here but you do know that you are what you think, speak and do, this to be true, why would you want to be rude?  You are subsequently manifesting more rudeness towards yourself, now I’m no genius here but this trait is not a good trait to have.  This goal is not one to be achieved.  And guess what?  If you happen to be rude (and you’ll know this by the way people act around you), you indeed have the ability to change this. 

Don’t be an asshole!

Number four:  Impatience

Here is another cliché:  “Rome wasn’t built in a day”.  In fact, it's taken approximately 1,009,491 days to build Rome. This is based on the traditional founding of the city (21 April 753 BCE), but we should also consider that the city has been sacked and rebuilt several times, this statistic was jotted down early in 2016.  You do the math.

Slow down, what is the rush?  Should we start writing out the obituaries? 

We live in a fast paced world and believe me, being fast paced in a fast world is nerve wrecking, it’s going to drive you nuts, get you all flustered, irritable and annoying for other people to watch.  You’re getting nothing done quicker rushing around, swearing at cashiers for doing their job on a full day or cutting across ten lanes of the road only to stop at the same traffic light as me. 

Relax.

Don’t be an asshole!

Number five:  Falseness

There is nothing that peeves me off more than people overexerting themselves to be noticed.  Excuse the pun, it genuinely grates my nipples into a parmesan-like texture.

For the love of drugs and alcohol people, please, from the bottom of a bottle, try your best not to engage in this activity.

It will only run you into my fist. 

Are you really such a dumbass unauthentic brain-washed follower of the herd that you cannot distinguish your own personality from others’.  Come on, get a grip.

Don’t be an asshole!

Number six:  Attention seekers

We all know someone like this, if not many.  I happen to know of many, just because I have Facebook and I can see what friends of friends of friends are sharing etc.  Here we have photo that “Jane” has shared (I don’t know a Jane, so I’m in the clear).  Jane has an amazing body and she’s quite a looker too.  Jane’s photo is a selfie, half nude as always with the quote:  “Life is so beautiful, blessed to the max, I love butterflies and I’m quite sure I’m missing some intelligence right now”.

Jane, get a life.  If you so badly want a compliment, ask for one!  Don’t beat around the bush with your attention-seeking non-intelligent garbage quote.  Post your photo and be straight:  “God dammit, how fucking hot do I look!?”

There we go Jane, you’re getting the picture.  Good girl.

But remember…

Don’t be an asshole! 

APPEARS TO BE ODD - INTRO

APPEARS TO BE ODD

💀💀💀

By Tracy Trace

I’ve been dragging my feet for about 3 years now threatening to start writing. Then I had the courage and drive to do so and next moment I’d cower down because of what I thought about other people’s opinions, people I don’t even know and people I will probably never meet in my lifetime, well, this one anyway.

Who would want to read my story or even more, who would even really care?

I’ve always liked writing, it always feels better to lighten off the load onto paper and I can probably communicate much better with pen and paper than my actual tongue.

Somehow in conversation, the dialogue and thoughts I had fathomed up in my head never leave my mouth in the simplified sequence I had mapped it out in my mind. No Sir-E, it was definitely a given that actual face-to-face communication was not my forte.

Even more so when it came to conflict, arguments or just plainly trying to get a point across to people envisioning my thoughts.

Trying to solve the moon landing would be easier (which of course, to me is totally plausible, do NOT debate me on that!).

Because of this “communication debilitation” I would most of the time retract or walk away due to complete frustration within myself trying to process the information, trying my very best not to get too ruffled and then there are times when I just give up totally.

My mouth and my mind, M&M, and not the gangsta rap artist though, had a constant battle of the bands. Frustrating it was.

We are all given a unique mind and in today’s society a right to voice our own thoughts and opinions, contradictory to this statement we still have to watch our words and actions. This brings me to a topic I can cringe over, PC, better known thanks to the controversial animated TV series Southpark, where they introduced “PC Principal” with his infamous tag line “Watch your PC bro!”

Although being a politically correct know it all, PC Principal ignored the moral fundamentals of basic human instincts like…KILLING PEOPLE!

This is what is wrong with today’s society, everyone is sweating the small stuff and focusing on the irrelevant crap the media shoves down their gullets than actually fixing the real stuff.

When last have you grabbed the latest gossip mag only to read that Kylie Jenner has recently had a massive melt-down but just a few weeks prior to her melt-down she could not get enough media attention trying to make top dollar following in the footsteps of her older siblings?

Is what you’re reading really relevant to you? How did you feel reading that bit of media hyped up gossip and did it change your life? Did it make you feel better about your so-called “normal” life or did you genuinely feel sympathy for her?

In my opinion, meh. Not relevant to me, as I feel media will build you up and break you down just as fast and then gasp in the glory of negative super sales.

A saying I absolutely try to use daily “not my circus, not my monkeys”. My own drama is more than enough for me to handle. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

Anyone who knows me well enough will say I’ve always wanted to be rich and famous. This was true when I was in my teens, not so true right now. Yes, more money will always be welcome to live a little more comfortably, but fame…nah, keep that. I will pass.

You want a fast ticket to the grave, adopt some fame.

But what I do want to do is leave my mark on this world, even if it is a handful of people like friends and family it would still be a mark, no matter how small.

You see, even though I’d much love to leave my mark, that mark tends to jump around like the monthly graphs of the stock exchange.

I’m a dreamer, a floater, a bit more of the latter though and had I not been proudly “lazy” I would probably never hit ground level. “Lazy” in inverted commas because saying this, I can be extremely efficient when I need to be. So efficient that I make the time to be lazy afterwards. This up and down scale of living coincides with my star sign, Libra, the scales, there is never a middle ground. EVER. Knowing this too, Libra my sun sign being an air sign and Gemini being my moon sign, also an air sign, do you see my dilemma here?

This right here is proof that my head is 99.95% up in the clouds. Genuine proof. Hence the dreaming, too much dreaming done and not much doing. This makes achieving my dreams and goals almost impossible because had I not been dreaming and focusing on the end results, the red carpet or the award celebrations, I’d actually have time to get down to the nitty gritty and as we all know the nitty gritty gets (for lack of a better word) gritty.

So this is the gritty and I’m finally pulling my finger out of my butt-hole and getting down to it. Although as horrible as it sounds, it takes me away from my usual shit I have to put up with on a daily basis. You know the usual shit we all have to put up with and either sort it out or shrug it off.

It’s my outlet that reboots my inlet…so here I am, giving you my last 3 years or so of the madness, turmoil, swirling hexagons which has become my life.