Friday, 12 January 2018

READ THIS LETTER OFTEN


A letter to my children

To the 3 beautiful souls I helped bring into this world…

Liam, Mila and Keller, all three of you, so beautiful, such big bright beautiful smiles that can light up the darkest of days, days that I hope you never have to see and experience ever.

I hope when you awake every morning, and greet the days with the same vigour and determination that the sun does every day.  Without fail.  I hope you take time out on the rainy days to reflect on how, just like the sun needs to shine, the rain needs to let go of the weight it’s been holding onto.  Take those days to read, or write down how grateful each day that comes and goes makes you.  Write!  Learn to jot down everything that happens to you and feel the release and comfort it brings putting feelings on paper.

Play.  Never let your playful side deteriorate as age creeps up on you.  Play games, make jokes, do pranks, whatever it takes to keep your body and mind moving in a playful manner. 

Laugh.  If ever you stop laughing, you stop living.  I urge you NOT to try this.  Laugh at life, you never get out alive anyway.  Laugh at your siblings because no matter how mad they make you, remember you share the same DNA, laugh at your parents because most of the time they have no idea what the hell they are doing.  Laugh at yourself, because if you don’t other people will.  Never stop laughing.  Never stop showing your teeth to the world, and embrace the laughter too in others.

Learn.  Remember, learning is the mother of all gifts you can give yourself.  Learn and take in knowledge on just about anything.  Even if you don’t take an interest in the given subject, learn about it anyway, you’ll never know when you can give your two cents worth and maybe help someone in need.  Your brain in super powerful and you’ll be surprised how much information it can store.  And no, it won’t explode even though on some days it may seem so.  Your mind is one of the most important things on you, and a knowledgeable mind coupled with your beautiful personalities will be of your utmost prized possessions.

Cry.  Yes, cry.  Not like you’ve seen mommy cry because that’s way too much.  Cry when you are happy and by all means cry when you are sad.  They say crying is a means of release, and the release you feel after a good cry can be just what the doctor ordered.  But don’t cry too much, you have to know the difference and distinguish when the cry is normal and when there is something else brewing.  Learn to know that difference and take action quickly before it’s too late.

Celebrate.  Celebrate whenever possible.  Firstly, celebrate every day.  It’s a gift.  Life is short and we need to be celebrating much more than we do.  Celebrate your birthday, for without this given day, at that given time and the unique alignment of all the planets, the sun and the moon at the exact millisecond you wailed your first lung’s capacity is a very special blue print of who and what you are, only you will ever have this moment to yourself always.  Celebrate your accomplishments, you deserve it.  Celebrate your failures, without them you wouldn’t know what you really excel in.  Celebrate all special occasions without turning them into disasters later.  You will regret it and so will everyone else you were celebrating with.

Make lots of friends and few enemies.  It’s a given, not everyone will like you, and make peace with that.  Not everyone on this planet can get along, and know when you do spot a gem in the making.  I have a very odd way of making friends.  They had to grow on me.  I have huge walls that need to be ventured over first.  You don’t need to follow in my footsteps and plead with you to give people a fair chance, just like you will want people to do for you.  You will make many friends in life, those that vibe with you no matter how many times you think they must be crazy to stick around, yet do.  Those friends, you should treasure forever.  And don’t be sad when friends drift apart, that’s also part of growing up.  But never stop making new ones.

Understanding.  Not everyone is able to understand things from your point of view.  It is your duty to try and talk and convey your viewpoint so that people can understand it from where you are standing.  And don’t get mad when they can’t.  You also need to have understanding for others.  We are all different, we are all from different walks of life and not everyone is the same.  Thank God for that.  Can you imagine the boredom?  Take an interest in developing your understanding for things beyond your control and how to handle it in a calm and understanding manner.

Anger.  Scrap this emotion totally from your vocabulary.  We are all prone to anger outbursts from time to time but please, and I can talk from years of experience here, do not make anger a foundation on showing the world how mad you are at it.  The world has done nothing to you.  When you feel angry, stop right there.  Remove yourself (mentally) and observe what it is that is making you feel this horrible emotion.  Take a deep breath, take 1000 if you need to, but don’t act on it.  If you need to take a walk, a drive, a swim, whatever it takes you to chillax for a bit, do it.  You will only regret what comes out of your mouth and once it’s out, it’s tickets.  And once those tickets have been printed, the printer can’t unprint it.  The receiver of the tickets will not want them either.  Ticket wasted.

Love.  Love as much as you can squeeze into your heart.  I cannot stress this enough.  Love and love deeply.  Have your heart explode with the best feeling and have it broken into a trillion shards which will feel irreparable.  This will give you respect for the enormity of how great and important love it.  Treat this emotion with respect.  Carry it around like piece of blown glass and protect it as if you might accidentally stumble into an Opera House out of the blue.

Discover.  Discover yourself.  Never stop discovering, never stop enquiring and looking for new interesting things about yourself, other people, and this can go onto just about anything.  Discover new places, discover new likes and dislikes, discover new foods, discover new abilities, discover deep and meaningful things that make your discoveries a pleasant one.  Discover what takes your breath away and discover what makes you want to crawl up into a small space in terror. 

Dream.  And dream big.  Everything ever achieved was first a thought, a dream.  Whatever you do, do not dream without action.  If you have a dream or a goal, go out and do it.  Do it because you can and will achieve anything you set your mind to.  I know you have the ability to do so.  I had so many dreams and yet very little pull through.  Don’t make that same mistake.  The world is for you to conquer.



Hurt.  Hurt, feel what if feels like to be at the bottom pits of a black swirling vortex being swallowed up by the demons that make the core of this earth a deadly place to be.  Don’t stay hurt.  Know who is at fault, if it is you, I’m sorry, you’ll probably have to deal with your mistake and act upon it.  If it’s not by your own hands, you’ll also need to act upon it, but do it wisely.  Hurting is fine, but remember it’s just a pit stop.  Not a destination. 

Remember.  Remember that I love you so much, I want the best for you at all times which I seldom can give you.  Remember that although I seemed sad a lot of the times, it might have been a happy sad.  Or if it was a sad, sad, I apologise for letting you watch me and not be able to do anything for me.  At those times, not even I could do anything for me.  Please know that every time you think I was irritable with you, it wasn’t with you personally, it was with the situation I could not come to terms with.  I apologise that when I needed space and told you to go play outside, that I did not even want to be in my own space and did not want my negativity to rub off onto you.  If you ever wanted to play longer or watch more TV and I never allowed you, I know how important it is to get lots of rest and know that trying to cope on very little sleep will only spiral into a bad habit of insomnia which can let the mind wonder into places that you might not be able to get out of.  Remember that I wrote this letter from the bottom pits of my heart and wrote it truthfully, out of what I’ve learnt so far from my 36-year experience on what I think is a very unforgiving place to be.  Remember that this is my perspective only and remember that I AM TELLING YOU that this is wrong (my perspective).

Lastly but most importantly.  Don’t forget to look up at the phenomenal skies at night.  Take an interest in the phases of the Moon, once the beauty of the moon reveals itself to you, you’ll never be able to look at the night sky the same.  You’ll forever be in absolute awe of the night time skies.  Study the stars and map out the planets, once you know how they work and how they affect you at certain times, you might have a better understanding why things that you can’t explain are happening or affecting you.  Learn about yourself via astrology, and know that, that blue-print I explained earlier on in my letter is of utmost importance.  You are written in the stars, we all are, we came from beauty and we will most definitely return back to beauty.  It’s your duty to make your journey on this strange and misunderstood planet a trip that you will not forget.

May every blessing come your way and may you find yourself, do what you love and live with purpose.  I love you dearly, you were made with love and you will die with love.  And this to me is what is most important.  Be love, be in love and give love.  Always give love.

Saturday, 6 January 2018

THE MASTER OF FUCK UPS

I'm quite sure of this, actually 100% undeniably so sure I will put my hand on a flaming hot stove to prove this statement. We are a society of fuck ups.  Every single one of us.  I  HAVE EARNED MY MASTERS DEGREE IN FUCKING UP.  This subject is very near and not so dear in this present day of our every day lives.  Some of us learn from our past fuck ups and some fuck-ups we repeat until the lesson is embroidered into our subconscious with thread the thickness of the diameter of Mexico.  Minus the tequila only left with the worm to swallow.  That worm though...

We are all born with a magnificent little device at our fingertips, our minds can be the most horrifically and gratifying device we have at our disposal, and it's up to us to write the chapters.  Some chapters we'll need to re-read, edit and then re-write until the words comfortably make some sense to us.  If no sense can be made no matter how many times we try to edit the piece, then we also have the choice of accepting or aborting the chapters.  It really is all up to YOU.

This is where we consciously work together with a fuck up in the one hand and the minds ability in the other.
We are able with a bit of time and patience and more tolerance put these two individually operating entities in one big ass bowl and make a damn fine cake out of this.  That is of course if you don't mind getting your hands dirty and stop wallowing in a bit of flour that got stuck in the sieve. 


And it's as easy as that, you wake up one day, you decide to fuck the fuck-ups, and cut a well deserved slice outta that bitch.  Because ain't nobody (especially yourself) gonna get you down no more.

Fuck ups are a given.  Stagnating is normal but beating yourself up for a tiny hurdle is not in this recipe.


Yes, you fucked up.  Now get up, and carry the fuck on with your life like the badass you were born to be.

End.

Wednesday, 3 January 2018

FESTIVITIES' END & EMOTIONAL BEGINNINGS

Slap me sensless and stop the clock!

WOW....

2017 was singly the most taxing year by far for (and what I assume) 92% of the world's population.  Correct me if I am wrong but for crying in a bottomless bucket, was 2017 a monster disaster year of note, or what?
I mean, let's be real here, a failed exorcism of a gazillion demons would have left me in a better state and frame of mind.  No jokes.
I am only writing this (rather late than never) "Merry Christmas", "Hapy New Year" crap days after  they have come and gone and basically were force-thrown into these ending situations, endings that slyly and swiftly caught us unaware.  Like this time of the year usually goes, only this time round, the nitrous oxide as been burning at both ends for a full 365 days solid.  I'm not ready to start fresh, this car is full speed going to kill me, travelling to a destination on a long lonely winding road, with unresolved business, issues, baggage and every emotion possible wanting and needing my undivided attention.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Am I happy it's a new year? Yes.  Yes, I am.  Am I ready to leap blindly into it?  No.  No, I am not.  I am stuck in the space of void that 2017 left me speechless, frustrated, depressed, and stressed out to the pinnacles of giving up.

The municipality seemed to be on strike and failed to take the rubbish out.
I most certainly cannot wait on the services of the municipality to take care of this, it's an unfulfilling job for them and the stench of the old unwanted garbage which is non-recycable, rotting day by day is getting too much for me to breathe in.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!  
I'm making a giant bonfire, do you care to do your bit for your environment?
Yes?  Indeed the answer I was looking for.  I'm lugging all my unresolved business, issues, baggage and all the unnecessary emotions into the dumpster, just a bit down the road called "Past Street".
I covered the unwanted garbage from top to bottom in explosives and put flame to it.  There was a big bang, an explosion of the old garbage in shards.  Carefully observing as the grey ashes blew away in a cool cleansing easterly wind.  I watched the flames eat and swallow the parts of me that I've grown accustomed to, that has been weighing down on me like heavy heartless hail clouds.

Fearing the intense heat but ironically finding comfort in watching the demise and destruction of it all.
I've become so used to watching and participating in my own destruction and this was an odd feeling and somewhat different.
I had completely detached myself from this destruction and it was sad as it had become my safe zone.  But I'm relieved, the tears streaming down my cheeks, I bid one last farewell to my destructive companions.
May we NEVER meet again.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!
To my new found friends, joy, patience, love and tolerance, I've noticed you wearing fire-proof cloaks, they kinda make you look like superheroes and like you might possess some magical powers.  I see you smiling and laughing a lot and it looks good on you.  Thank you for inviting me to sit with you, I'm new here, just transferred and I have this knowing  (call it my intuition) that we're going to get along very well.  I feel like I now have the space for you in my life.  I've ridden the clutter.
2018 in numerology is 11.  Lady luck is on our side and the time is  now to manifest the future together, forget the explosions that happened in Past Street and sail towards Eutpoia.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Let's get one thing straight
The past is lost
The past is gone
You are so incredibly capable
And you are so fantastically strong.

Tuesday, 26 December 2017

CHOOSE YOUR FRIENDS WISELY

Most of us have a few amazing friends, if they aren't amazing, basically there's no need to call them friends.
Friends are those (sometimes) strange human beings we "adopt" like pets to keep us company, to spread our love onto and to keep us sane.  We can confide in them and them in us, offload our problems and happy times and we get to take them on outings too.

I've been blessed plenty with some of the most loyal and crazy insane humans to share my overly dramatic life with.
And just like pets, some of our friends stay forever until one or the other dies and then some are short lived.

My friends deserve solid white gold medals!  I don't think they'd ever find a friend like me ever! AND I THINK THEY THANK GOD OR WHOMEVER THEY BELIEVE IN FOR THAT.
I've heard my other half saying time and time again: "Tracy, you are so much hard work and I don't think many people can grasp you entirely...."
By that he means not many people will put up with me.  And he's right, I know I'm a whole lotta crosswords with very few clues.  Luckily he loves me endlessly and he is willing to wholeheartedly try fathom this puzzle out.

On this topic of Friends, here is a very crucial statement:
WE GET TO CHOOSE OUR FRIENDS...
Or in the case of my one friend Kim, she just "chose" to stick around until she sort of grew onto me.  She grew so much that she became the fungus that my tree needed to survive.  (She's going to kill me for that statement, lol)
We will all have many friends throughout our lifetime, but we all need that "Kim-fungus" friend ;)
I'm all the way down in sunny South Africa and she's waaay up in (whatever the weather is like) Wales.  Even that, what I thought was a tad of an over the top, extravagant escape from me, it did not one bit change even the slightest sliver of friendship we have.

There are many different types of friends I've made along my 36 years of trips around the sun, primary school, my ice-skating career which lasted 7 years, my high school career and everyone I've met after that, being at the workplace, through friends of friends and the list goes on. 
Most of us still stay in touch but as we know, life goes on and so does everyone else.
That's the beauty of life and one's constantly changing paths we embark on.

Along this path we chose to travel with our friends and family, I have also stumbled upon a few MENTORS. These special angels sent to me at just the right moments, usually older individuals, full of wisdom and these gems I keep close for their knowledge is of utmost importance to me when my seas turn to tsunamis.
I like to call them the "mothers" or "guides" of my soul group.  These special humans never judge the choices I make, no matter how absurd they might seem at first, the guidance is always there and always  words of comfort and assurance are there.

So yes, A BIG YES! I have indeed been blessed plenty with so many people who care.....
Either that, OR, there's just so many people out there who think I'm a lost cause and I need plenty of help!
I prefer to dismiss the latter statement.

FRIENDS:  The gems that the Universe throws onto our paths to lessen the obstacles we hurdle ourselves over.

Thursday, 14 December 2017

FOR THE LOVE OF TATTOOS (Interview)


FOR THE LOVE OF TATTOOS







I’m writing about tattoos today, you may love them or hate them, you are more than entitled to your own personal opinion on them.
I partake in the painful pleasures of decorating my body with little bits of artwork that are personally meaningful to me and encompass my core beliefs.
My other (better) half has been in the tattoo industry for 6 years, 3 of which he did his apprenticeship.

I’m taking this opportunity to delve into the mind and days of a tattoo artist to get the low down of this somewhat misunderstood profession. 
I say “misunderstood” because so many people believe that being an artist and especially one of this calibre is child’s play.  This misinterpretation is very naïve and as far from the truth as possible.

What you need to understand is that a good tattoo artist is a dedicated person.  Dedicated to their core for this passion of theirs.  These human beings are born with a natural raw talent for the arts that many of us can only dream of and putting art on the body (which is permanent) using the heavy machinery that they use is not simple at all.  It takes time, patience and skill to develop and master this art form.


I’m chatting to Darren Harley today to give you an insider’s view on the tattoo industry.

TracyTrace:  First of all Darren, where were you born and where did you do your schooling?
Darren:  Well Tracy, as your partner I am very unimpressed that you are asking me questions that you should by now hopefully know (laughs), but for your readers:  I was born, raised and educated in CapCity Pretoria.  I matriculated from Pretoria Boys High in 2004 and received my diploma in Performing Arts Technology and Art in 2009.

TracyTrace:  When did you take an interest in tattooing?  Obviously you’ve always been an artist, looking at all your artwork from a young age, but why tattooing?
Darren:  It’s an art form that’s always fascinated me and it’s one I knew I could possibly make a paying career out of.

TracyTrace:  Who is/are your artistic inspiration/s and why?
Darren:  There’s a few, Bob Tyrell is my favourite tattoo artist, specialising in horror and macabre.  Justin Weatherholtz, Tim Hendricks and Billy Vegas are a couple more inspiring tattoo artists, but I draw inspiration from all types of art and artists like Alex Pardee, Zack Dunn and scenes like the horror film industry, hip-hop and street culture, the subgenre of rap horrorcore, Eminem, Aesop Rock, Cage, Wu Tang Clan, Rob Zombie even WWE.  Everything combined inspires my passion and creativity.









TracyTrace:  What is needed to be a reputable tattoo artist because I have stumbled across some shocking work!
Darren:  For starters, a natural ability to do art such as drawing and painting is a must.  Then extreme dedication and passion for the art form as hours and money aren’t always great.  As for the shocking work, that could be due to the artist not being a natural artist or in some cases, work can look terrible due to poor tattoo hygiene, that should be kept at the top of the list to ensure infections aren’t caused.

TracyTrace:  You mentioned long hours and pay that is not so great, what are your hours like and what does the tattoo industry offer in terms of a salary?
Darren:  It’s a full time job (7 days a week) for starters, anyone who wants to do this as a job/career on a part time basis is heavily mistaken.  Salary wise, differs from shop to shop but most of the time we work only on a commission basis.

TracyTrace:  Tattoos take time to do, what is the most tattoos you have done in one day?
Darren:  I’d say about 8.

TracyTrace:  Wow, that’s quite a bit.  Are there any pointers to current and prospective clients to make the tattoo process easier on both client and artist?
Darren:  They must do their research first; they must at least have a good idea of what they want to do. 
Allow the artist to have a certain amount of freedom with the design as it’s his work (his stamp) that he’s putting on the client.
Show up on time.
Don’t haggle the artist down with pricing, you are paying for quality. 
Respect the shop as a relaxing sanctuary and don’t bring in an entourage of supporters that will distract the artists.







TracyTrace:  Lastly Darren, any advice to someone interested in becoming a tattoo artist, career wise?
Darren:  They must have a natural gift for art.  When enquiring about an apprenticeship, show up neat, tidy and respectable with a professional looking portfolio.
Understand that you will start right at the bottom of the food chain and you will have to earn your way to the top.

TracyTrace:  Thank you Darren on enlightening us on what being a tattoo artist is all about.
Darren:  Cool, cool, my pleasure!



Now that we have an insider’s scoop on the tattoo industry, I bet you will think twice about all the logistics and hard work there is behind the scenes to become a tattoo artist.  It’s not all the glitz and glamour it all looks about to be.  I know quite a few tattoo artists and I can say that these individuals are very hard working and they bust their hands and backs for us!

From all the clients and tattoo lovers we thank you guys from the bottom of an ink bottle



Tuesday, 12 December 2017

OVER-THINKERS ANONYMOUS

Do any of you struggle with this ridiculous, taxing, exhausting dilemma? Over-thinking.  It is fantastic.....ally annoying to the  poor souls living with an OT (over-thinker).  I believe in symbols and signs from the Universe, ask and you shall receive, but for the over-thinker you will receive much more.  This "much more" is what I call the insanity card.  The Joker card in a deck of cards, only, the joke is on you.

For an OT, and the workings of an over-thinking mind, I can simply describe it as a maze with a ton of entrances, quite a few dead ends with no exit in sight.  Sad, yet true. Knowing this, as an OT, you know what your mind is capable of and the scenarios your over active imagination can fathom up, yet you still let your mind take you on the dreaded tour of this maze.



This is where much frustration is born.  Frustration because you should know better.  Frustration because you know that in a day or two you'll think back and wonder why you let this get to you.....again.  I've been handed a 10 piece puzzle that magically ends up with a 1000 pieces in the end.  This is called a master disaster.  Who works backwards like this?

The best part is that logically, you know what the problem is and possibly the answer too but erratically you will allow this to take over your every living cell until you cannot handle yourself anymore and you find yourself jotting down poetry about "Giving up" and you've notified your next of kin that the song "Remember Me" by Just Jinger has to be played at your funeral, and everyone should be served shooters and get totally tanked up over my crystal embedded coffin, or else...

Did you see what I just did there 😉


READ THIS LETTER OFTEN

A letter to my children To the 3 beautiful souls I helped bring into this world… Liam, Mila and Keller, all three of you, so beau...